Archive for the ‘Parody’ Category

From Chicago by Way of Denver

Sunday, December 13th, 2009
invescofield

Denver's Invesco Field

By FAIRFIELD “PINPOINT” EDWARDS

In the mind’s eye, it seems like not so long ago that a giant among men emerged from the Mile High City as a Second Savior upon his First Coming.  The Denver spectacle was nothing short of impressive, as the experts pondered which great figure of the past he most resembled.  The stadium swayed and gyrated at his every motion.  The Jumbotron projected hope in video form as the faithful gazed and cheered, despite the burden of great expectations.

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The Complete Guide to World Citizenship

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

globalcitizenBy NANCY MORGAN

In the summer of 2008, then presidential candidate Barack Obama delivered  an historic campaign speech in Germany. With the Berlin Wall as a back drop, Obama proudly informed the masses that he was not there as a candidate, but as “…a fellow citizen of the world.”

The crowd went crazy, and the world rejoiced. Finally, the United States was ready to join the community of man.

In what former U.S. ambassador to the UN John Bolton calls our first post-American President, Obama has bestowed instant cachet on the growing ranks of Americans who revel in the thought of being the first in their own social set to be considered cutting edge “citizens of the world.” Especially since joining this community of global citizens confers upon them automatic (albeit, unearned) virtue, along with instant and unassailable moral stature.

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January 20, Year 20 A.O.

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

obama1

By EDMOND D. SMITH

Early morning sunlight flashed in Bill’s face, which wrinkled in irritation. He rolled on his back, leaving the worst of the light on his shoulder but too late; the sun had done its job. He was awake. He lay there for another minute or two but finally caved in to the inevitable, threw the heavy blankets aside and sat up, dropping his feet to the floor.

Brr. Freezing. He got up, the chill starting to sink in, and looked at his thermostat. 60 degrees. *SIGH* It was on days like this that he missed being able to set his temperature as he liked it instead of having a federally regulated thermostat set it for him. He knew a couple of tech-savvy guys who had hacked theirs and set it so that they were comfortable. Later they said it was almost worth the huge fine they had to pay and almost worth the public shaming. Almost. Bill had a sneaking admiration for them but realized, of course that carbon crimes were no small matter.

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We the Obama Administration Know a Little Something about the Constitution

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
tjbo

Image by Dale

By K. L. KRAEMER

There was some weeks ago a secret meeting between spirited ghosts of the 18th century and hollow shellmen of the present to which a single fly on the wall was there to witness and mentally record.  Though this fly was very resourceful, I am sorry to say he has since met his untimely demise, but not before his testimony was circulated on the Internet and then mysteriously taken down.  It was quite by accident that I found his story and was intrigued enough to copy and paste it into a file for later perusal.  After some contemplation, I have decided to capture and relay words from the said meeting onto paper for a submission of record.

As his story starts out, the spirited ghosts (SG) of the founding fathers were pointing out with satisfaction the wonders of the Constitution and how it has held up through the past couple of centuries.  The hollow shells (HS) were noticeably disgruntled at the arrogance of the framers, at which point Noah Webster directed his words, “In the formation of our Constitution the wisdom of all ages is collected – the legislators of antiquity are consulted, as well as the opinions and interests of the millions who are concerned.  In short, it is an empire of reason.”

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Obama Continuing Bush’s Assault on the Middle Class

Monday, May 25th, 2009

bushobamaBy ROBERT STARK

Despite receiving the majority of middle class votes, George Bush was one of the worst presidents for the middle class. Bush promoted  free trade deals that are sending our jobs overseas and promoted amnesty for illegal immigrants and greater guest worker programs while our borders remain unsecured. Bush continued to spend until breaking Lyndon Johnson’s record on increasing the size of government, while borrowing from nations that are not the friendliest, such as China and Saudi Arabia, leading to the current financial crisis while the federal reserve printed money out of thin air, devaluing our currency. Bush did pass massive tax cuts, but they favored the wealthy and did nothing to address the budget deficit.

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The Lincoln-Douglas Debates and a Surprising Modern Realization for America.

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009

douglasTHE EERILY MODERN WORDS OF STEPHEN A. DOUGLAS

The following is a partial transcript of the words of Stephen A Douglass, a northern moderate, responding to Lincoln’s ambivalence toward slavery.

The Northern industrialist and the Southern slaveowner both love this country with equal passion.  As I considered the controversy of sectionalism, I was reminded of an encounter I had.  I received a letter from a doctor who told me that he had a serious concern that might prevent him from voting for me. He described himself as a Christian who was strongly abolitionist, but that was not what was preventing him potentially from voting for me.

What bothered the doctor was a speech in which said I would fight northern ideologues who want to take away a plantation owner’s to choose. The doctor said he had assumed I was a reasonable person; he supported my policy initiatives on Manifest Destiny, but that if I truly believed that every abolitionist individual was simply an ideologue who wanted to inflict suffering on the South, then I was not very reasonable. He wrote, “I do not ask at this point that you support abolition, only that you speak about this issue in fair-minded words.” Fair-minded words.

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I Want To Be A Liberal

Thursday, May 21st, 2009

donkeyBy NANCY MORGAN

I want to be a liberal, because then everyone will like me. My family will start talking to me again, and chances are, my ex-husband will want to renew the marriage vows he broke when I started spouting conservative opinions.

I’d like to be a liberal because its ever so much easier to allow others to form my opinions for me instead of researching an issue myself. That always gets me in trouble, especially when the facts I discover diverge from the latest politically correct consensus.

I’d like to be a liberal because then I’d be rewarded for all my shortcomings and nothing would ever be my fault. I’d be an important cog in the wheel of social justice, and a cherished warrior in the current fight for equality.

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Sliding Down a Slippery Slope

Monday, May 18th, 2009

slopeBy Dr. ROBERT OWENS

Some people act as if America is about to morph into a European- style socialist state by the time they wake-up tomorrow, or at least before they finish reading the latest edition of the New York Times.   These unreconstructed Reaganites have the nerve to walk around carping and complaining that the Constitution is being left in the dust.  Acting as if some extreme leftist clique has somehow duped the American public into giving the executive branch to an inexperienced, unknown commodity backed-up by a shoot-from-the-lip knee-jerk liberal with a rubber-stamp Congress drooling at the prospect of getting five more Ruth Bater Ginsbergs on the Supreme Court.  If you fall for their caterwauling you’d think we had a President who insulted our best friends the Brits, bowed to the Saudi King, and announced we’re no longer a Christian nation while apologizing for America’s arrogance in what he recognized as a Muslim nation. Or one who hung out with Chavez and Ortega as he opened the doors for Castro.  How preposterous!

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The Earliest and Strangest Earth Day Celebration Ever

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

 

sandalsBy LIBBY EARL

I must admit that I am a bit confused.  About two weeks ago, I got invited to a large political rally.  It was way earlier than Earth Day usually is, but since all the television shows I watch have really put the word out this year, I just thought that people were finally getting the message, but I may have been duped.

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How Obama Kerry’d The Day

Friday, March 13th, 2009

kerry

By LARRY WILKE

Yesterday’s “concerns” involving the earmarks firmly ensconced within the next financial flailing of the fledgling Obama caliphate have mysteriously dematerialized. Not only because Obama signed off on the nearly 8,000 earmarks today but also because the “promises” made during his capricious campaign against John McCain have suddenly flipped or flopped, depending upon your perspective. Obama has “Kerry’d the day,” if you will.

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